Sunday, March 30, 2008

Fashion Faux Pas....Cougar's "Donts"

There are certain things I cannot tolerate when it comes to fashion. Here goes:

  • Crocs....I hear that they are comfortable. Whatever! They are ugly as hell and I bet that molded plastic makes your feet stink! Uggghhh...and the little charms. I am gagging.

  • VPLs--or for those of you who don't know...Visible Panty Lines! No reason for this in the age of the thong(which changed my life) or even Spanx....if you want to kick your junk in. Nothing worse than seeing that panty line, especially in spandex.

  • White shoes. Even worse with panty hose.

  • Panty hose and open toe shoes or with sling backs. I tossed all my panty hose years ago. Bare legs, ladies! And if you have Casper legs, use some spray on tan.

  • Laura Ashley long dresses

  • Mom jeans........I am not in my 20's but you will never ever see me in those jeans you see women wearing at the mall with their turtlenecks and crocs.

  • Silk screen clothing of any kind

  • Jogging suits if you are not working out. Especially tacky to wear traveling. If you want an upgrade to first class, dress the part.

  • Muffin top jeans. Get a pair which fits properly.

Nothing else comes to mind right now....I will be back with Part 2

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Cougar seeks arm candy or trophy date...

The weather stinks. I was going for some retail therapy today, which always makes me feel better, but I dont feel like dodging the rain. I am tired. I am depressed. I am so tired of all of the plastic men I have met recently. Is there a decent man out there? I need a date for a black tie party taking place in late April. Chances are I will not find a decent escort. Even my back up guys whom I take in the event I can't find a real date arent looking too appealing. The good ones are married or have moved away. Does anyone out there know someone whom Cougar can use as arm candy? I am have to get out to some watering holes to recruit candidates. I do that for a living so why can't I succeed in my personal life?

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Lost But Not Forgotten

I lost but got a nice crystal consolation prize. Although I did not expect to win, I am still disappointed. Nothing a few glasses of my favorite, Norton Reserve Malbec, can't cure! $12.99 at Costco and highly recommended. Never a headache or hangover!

Monday, March 24, 2008

To My Friends Who Enjoy Drinking Wine

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine.. and those who don't.
As Ben Franklin said: "In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria". In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit . There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing this as a public service.

The Peter Pan Syndrome.....Some Men Never Grow up!

Some men, even in their 60's never grow up. Take Narcissistic Buckhead Real Estate Developer ("NBRED") for example. Without mentioning names, although you can probably figure it out, or email me and I will tell you, NBRED is one of the wealthiest men in Atlanta. He, together with another man, built the original Buckhead village and owned all of the buildings in the Buckhead bar district. He has always favored himself as quite the ladies man. Being a weathy man who flashed cash all over, he could pretty much buy the affection of many women in Buckhead. He is not good looking at all. Always had that bad skin never treated pizza face acne scarring going on. He thought his sh_t didnt stink! He was always in an entourage and could be found in Buckhead bars any night of the week. He still is in the Capital Grille most nights of the week. As far as I know he never had a girlfriend for any length of time and he never married. Flash forward to 2007. One night a male Buckhead playa, who is a well known sports agent/attorney, took my friend and me to Cheetah after we had our drink on. We had had way too many. I was always curious about that place and had never been to a strip club. So, the playa takes us there and we are ushered into the VIP room. Ironically, I knew the manager as he used to be the GM at Chops. He took us to a table next to the catwalk and I told him to please seat me with my back towards the stage as I didnt want any vajayjays in my vicinity. It was a trip...literally and of the stripper slipped and almost feel into my lap. I freaked and she quickly said " I am in medical school and have a child" like that has anything to do with the price of tea in China. Whatever.

Buckhead playa was getting lap dances as he is a regular and spends tons of money there.

Getting back to the walks NBRED. He is a neighbor of playa. He tells me that NBRED only dates strippers...I guess he can't date anyone close to his age or even close to his age. He has to pay for any female attention. His pizza face is sagging and he is drunk. So am I. I call him out on his behavior. He still behaves like he is 25 and can pick up any woman . Wrong! Take a look in the mirror and get a plastic surgeon pronto as you need some work!!

Fast forward to Vegas last week. It is 1 am and I am in the casino at Bellagio. NBRED comes strolling by me. I do a double take. WTF is he doing here? He announces that he has bought a condo at the Palms casino, which is in the same building which houses the Playboy Club. I guess he has gone through all of the strippers in Atlanta and has to come to Vegas to get any action. I bet he pays for hookers right and left. He will never grow up. Sad sad sad.

Watch out for men with the Peter Pan syndrome. A total waste of time unless you just want a few drinks.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Vegas Wrap Up Part 1

Well, CIT and I arrived in Vegas raring to go!! We checked into the Bellagio, unpacked and hit the casino. The slot gods were very very good to us on Saturday. I hit my favorite slot machine, affectionately know as "darling" and I played him like a fiddle. Mandarin and sodas, my drink of choice in Vegas, ensued. CIT also really get into the slots. On the wheel of fortune, each time we hit the sought after "spin" wheel, we yell "Wheel of Misfortune" followed by "big money, big money , big money"! Our enthusiasm is infectious and we engage any and everyone sitting around us with our gambling rituals. As we get our drink on, sometimes as we hit the wheel turning spin, we are obsessed with the ritual of marching around our bank of machines and we also make everyone around us do the same. Big fun and most people get into it! Cougar needs a new pair or three of Manolos!

We went to the Bette Midler show at Caesars Palace. She is amazing. As a 62 year old cougar, she looks phenomenal.....svelte and a face free of wrinkles........I would love to get the name of her plastic surgeon. She sang and dance better than when she was in her 20's! We also saw Love, the Cirque de Soleil tribute to the Beatles on Sunday night. It was my 5th time to see the show and CIT's first. I told her that it was a life changing experience and she finally got it. Put all the Beatles music to great choreography with great costuming, story line and stunts and even then this show is indescribable. The soundtrack from Love won 2 Grammies this year and I highly recommend it.

More gambling and more cocktails...... and alot of men .......especially in the SportsBook! If you want to see men in their element...gambling, drinking and watching sports, get to the Sports Book in any casino. Disneyland for women. I will take the E ticket, thank you very much!!

We saw Hurley from Lost playing blackjack at the $100 minimum table. I didnt see any other Hollywood personalities.

We were invited by an older man from Texas whom we met at the craps table(another man magnet where the ratio of men to women is at least 8:1) to play Baccarat. I had never played this game before. It is sort of like "Go Fish" for adults. He was a VIP....and very inebriated. We played and he gave us his leftover chips.....we tried to hand them back but he protested. He was there with his son and some friends. He did try to put his tongue down my throat. Gag me! The good news is that we ended up with $2000 in chips. Can you imagine what he would give someone who would kiss him or more? Speaking of men and money, there were so many hookers.........we counted hookers like you would count girl scouts selling or more on every corner....and most of them are attractive......biyatches!!!

The rest of the weekend? Drink,drink ,eat, gamble, flirt and LOSE MONEY!! I lost my gambling mojo and my favorite slot machine went from being called "darling" to "slut". There goes my Chanel bag!

Oh, and I got in trouble for trying to take pictures in the I dont have pictures of hotties to share.

Trust me, there were enough hotties to go around for everyone....cougars and cougarettes....

.....I recommend a Vegas weekend for all cougars and cougarettes....... great fun and great stories.....more to follow!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Cougar and CIT headed for Vegas baby!

CIT and I are headed to Sin City tomorrow morning. We are staying at the Bellagio, my favorite Vegas hotel. Hope the weather doesnt delay us. We are there for fun, flirting , food, men and general debauchery. Going to see Bette Midler at Ceasars on Saturday night. I would imagine that Vegas will be pretty crazy on St. Patty's on Monday.

My big dilemma....what to pack and what to wear? I am going with jeans, black slacks and some sexy tops. Ofcourse, signature black pointy toe boots with heels and some other great stilettos. Cool jewelry. Elegant yet understated. Great accessories. If I hit it big, I am going to buy the Chanel handbag I have been coveting.

Dinner at some of my favorite places ...Fix at Bellagio on Saturday and Tao at the Venetian on Sunday. Plenty of cocktails in the casino.

Will take plenty of pictures of hot men to post. Put in your orders and I will see who I can find......this goes out to Blondie and ADD!!

And remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.....unless I spill here on the blog.
Have a great weekend. Be back on Wednesday.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Many things I've learned about men have been from Howard Stern

I love listening to the Howard Stern show. I listen in the car and then on pc at the office. The show draws you in and Howard, Artie, Fred, Robin, Gary and the rest of the Wack Pack speak freely and without the sanctions of the FCC and the censored speech you find on terrestrial radio.

Howard has taught me alot about men. The small head always trumps the large head. All men think about all day is getting laid and who they would like to bed. Take Elliott would think that the Governor of NY could keep his dick in his pants while in office....but even the governor thinks more with his small head rather than his large head. The prostitute who is all over the news is only 22 years old....only 3 years older than his daughter. WTF was he thinking? This is the same man who as a District Attorney, prosecuted perps in prostitution rings. Why would he have to pay for sex......using state funds? You reap what you sow and he deserves everything coming to him. WTG Elliott!!

The new car is in!

My new car came in this week. It drives like a dream. Hopefully I will not attract any carjackers as I have done in my past. I don't think that I could be carjacked twice in this lifetime. I was lucky the last time as I was not physically hurt even with a gun at my temple. Getting over it? A story for another day!! If you want to hear the story, let me know.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Cougar's Night on the Prowl........

Well, it was a great night. CIT took a cab to my house. We drank a bottle of malbec and then made reservations to go to Las Vegas next weekend! We are so impulsive! So, we were sidetracked for a while. We took a cab to a neighborhood watering hole and cozied up to the bar. I saw a friend and he bought us a drink. He was sitting next to a man whom I thought was someoneI went out with a few times last year. It ended up that it wasn't the same person but he was the neighbor of my friend. I'll call him Cool Glasses Man ("CGM"). We continued to drink and flirt and talk with everyone on our side of the bar. I unleashed my inner cougar on CGM. He was into me. Big time. CIT was singing with the piano player and believe me, she would be a great outtake on American Idol. It's a good thing she doesn't have to sing to pay her bills. Sorry, CIT, but you know it's true.

CGM wanted us to come to his house. It had to be at least 1am. We declined. And somehow, someway, he wrote his phone number on my back!! WTF? I told him I didn't want his number because I dont call men. I did give him my card and my crystal ball tells me he will be calling. He is a cutie so I think I will give him a whirl. Have a great Sunday. I am going back to bed!
Make sure to watch Dirt on FX. It is a great show.

Spring forward? Boo!

This is my least favorite day of the year. I do not like to spring forward! I am so not a morning person and I do not the yearly ritual of changing the clocks and losing an hour of my beauty sleep....especially when you go to bed at 4am!

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Cougar on the prowl tonight with Courgarette

I am hitting the town tonight. Going out to dinner with my BFF, Cougar in Training("CIT"). She is 12 years younger than me so I can teach her some things and she can share her younger wisdom with me. CIT is married and her husband, whom I adore, is out of town. She is ready to get her groove on. I will seek her assistance in finding some fine younger cubs for us to flirt with. Since I am blogging on the subject, I will make copious mental notes of everything that goes on.
What to wear? form fitting sweater, True Religion Jeans and some black stilletto boots.
My goal? A date for next week. I will keep you posted.

Friday, March 7, 2008

The Cougar is in the Den.....ready to growl

Here we are in 2008 and just last year I found out I was a "Cougar"; a 40+ year old woman who is in her prime, successful in business and life, old enough to be world savvy but young enough to party like a rock star. World travel, great wines and dinners, shopping til you drop, astute business woman and accomplished philanthropist.I am an equal opportunity cougar....... I love young men(cubs) and can show them a few things I've learned after traveling the world a few times and old men, who can still show me a few things.Stay tuned for my adventures in Atlanta dating paradise.....................And if you want to talk about fashion,too, bring it on.