Saturday, April 26, 2008

The Perfect Blow Job!


Now that I have gotten your attention, please remove your mind from the gutter. I am not talking about a blow job in the sexual sense, but a blow job in the good hair day sense. There is nothing better than getting your hair blown dry and having a good hair day. I have been cursed with curly hair my whole life. When perms were in vogue, I was the bomb but as curly hair is usually out of style I have struggled with hair issues. That is until I found Nelly, my hair goddess. Every week , without fail, I go to Nelly's salon for the best blow job ever. She begins with a 10 minute shampoo and head massage followed by a blow dry and flat iron to produce the best hair ever...smooth, straight and perfect. The appointment's climax is a 10 minute shoulder/back massage. Pure ectasy. Men may come and men may go but Nelly is forever. I heart Nelly!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

A definite fashion "Don't"



Unibrows, makeup free faces and uniforms....could these Laura Ingalls prairie dresses be more hidious? And you think you had a bad hair day? Please send me to Texas with a pair of scissors. Can you imagine how many wigs could be made for "Locks of Love"? According to the sect's religious beliefs, the women cannot cut their hair because it is going to be used to dry Jesus' feet when he comes back to visit us..............hmmnnnnnnnnnnn.....how about some Egyptian cotton towels?

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Giveaway of the day....who wants it?


Bargain of the day...up for grabs.....17 year old business.....great location......beautiful office.......loyal employees............clients who don't want to pay.............alot of bills.....no red tape or bullshit.....you will be the decision maker.......take it ....it's yours!!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Dating Deal Breakers?



Where do you draw the line when it comes to dating? What makes you say "hell no.....I will never go out with him/her"? What are your dating deal breakers? Mine? Here goes:



  • Poor hygiene...body odor, bad breath, dirty hair and/or nails
  • Funky feet
  • Cheapskates!
  • Scuffed shoes
  • Polyester pants

Smokers

  • Cheaters
  • Liars
  • Dummies
  • Bad grammar
  • Braggarts
  • Narcissists
  • Egomaniacs
  • Wimps
  • Bad teeth
  • Phonies
  • Dislikes pets of any kind
  • Bores
  • Too pushy/controlling
  • Druggies
  • Felons
  • Excessive body hair
  • Excessive tattoos/piercings
  • Obesity
  • Poor dresser
    Lives in a trailer park
  • Lack of ambition
  • Has bookie on speed dial

Okay, can we dish?




Can employers and employees be friends?


Being a small business owner has its pluses and minuses. I love the freedom that business ownership affords me yet sometimes hate the pressure and responsibility it entails. I have had the privilege of retaining employees for up to 10 years.They are like family to me. Because I have had some really shitty bosses in my lifetime, I have transcended all of the bullshit to become a good boss. Over the years, I have befriended many employees....and have welcomed them into my life... like family. And over the years, I have been screwed over and let down by employees, too. And then I vow never to allow my employees to become friends. And then the next thing you know, my employees become my friends and family.


I have a dilemma. My employee has become my best friend. We have the same exact warped sense of humor, act goofy, are good drinking buddies, know how to finish one anothers sentences and can read one anothers minds. We have our own jargon. We travel together. But right now my BF has been sucking OTJ. He hasn't followed policies and procedures which have cost the company thousands of dollars. He almost got us sued but I was able to pull the proverbial rabbit out of my hat. So, where do you draw the line between friendship and work in this situation? I dont want to lose a friend . I want my friend to be a better employee. Can employers and employees be friends and how do you accomplish that successfully?

Monday, April 14, 2008

Escape from tax hell..
















In lieu of complaining about the burden of taxes and paying "the man", I am going to think good thoughts by sharing some Rio photos.....at least I can mentally go on vacation....




Wednesday, April 9, 2008

My favorite summertime cocktail...the caipirinha



This is the first time I am posting about my favorite place on earth.....bar none....Rio de Janeiro Brazil. I have been traveling there for years and love everything about it...the physical beauty, the energy, the beautiful people, the amazing self taught artists, jewelry, the great food, the fabulous shopping for shoes , handbags and for jeans which fit beautifully if you have a butt and also for my favorite cocktail, the caipirinha. It is the national drink of Brazil made from 80 proof sugar cane liquor. It is small but packs a powerful punch. A few caipirinhas in the heat can bring the most professional drinker to his or her knees.

The International Bartender Association has designated it as one of their Official Cocktails and has labeled it one of the 50 greatest drinks of all time.

In the event that you have never tried a caipirinha, go to your local liquor store and buy some cachaca. Here is the recipe:

In an old fashioned or (flat bottomed) on-the-rocks glass, add: 2 to 3 (depending on size) key limes cut into thin slices (approximately 1/8 inch thick). some people like to peel the limes before slicing but this eliminates the lime oil in the peel, which many believe to be essential for an 'authentic' taste. You may want to remove any seeds before muddling ... unless you're fond of straining them through your teeth. Add 2 to 3 heaping tablespoons of sugar to the top of the lime slices (Brazilians like it VERY sweet) Muddle (mash) sugar and limes together well Add 2 to 3 shots (ounces) cacha├ža Stir well to thoroughly dissolve the sugar, add cracked ice, stir, enjoy ... and think tropical thoughts! Serves 1
Yes, I did take this photo of Rio at sunset from the top of Corcorvado, the statue of Christ which stands above the city. It is simply breathtaking and the spiritual center of my universe.....in the shoe stores, at the Hippie Market and also at the top of Corcorvado.

Another excellent cake...Happy Birthday MK!



Today is MK's 39th birthday. I got him the ultimate cake for a junk food junkie and a Wii. I think I am a pretty good boss!!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Even Cougars Get the Blues.....



I am so stressed out right now and think I just might explode. Work is a pressure cooker. I am pulled into a million differnet directions all day long and I can't focus.
To give you some background, we moved into an awesome new work loft which I planned/designed from scratch(like giving birth) in September and I thought I was making a wise real estate investment(ha!) after renting for 16 years. Business was going gangbusters. And then the shit started hitting the fan in November....I had a car accident driving to work in the morning.....just spaced out and hit a telephone pole and got a ticket for failure to maintain lane...in my own neighborhood. Noone witnessed the accident but someone heard the crash and called 911. The asshole cop had to read through his cop manual to figure out what kind of ticket he could write....I knocked the telephone pole over and Georgia Power had to come lift the pole off the front of my crushed car before it could get towed away. Cracked my ribs and bruised my liver. I had my dog with me so they only positive thing that came out of it was that she was not injured. I actually think the cop would have tested me for DUI but it was around 10am. Thank goodness the accident didn't occur at night. I was incapacited until January. I was unable to work out due to my injurieswhich means I pretty much had to starve to maintain my weight. Once you hit the cougar age range, your metabolism almost screeches to a stop. I considered joining the pro ana ring and becoming an anorexic or bulemic.


In December I went with MK&MH, my BGFs, to Vegas to see the Spice Girls. We got totally wasted at brunch. I pass out in the room and they call me as I was running late. I didnt put my cash in the safe and I was actually winning a lot of money. I dressed quickly and discovered later that evening that I had my boots on the wrong feet....get the picture? I keep telling MK and MH that I can't walk. LOL! We went to Red Square (the coolest vodka bar made of ice) at Mandalay Bay and we continued to drink. I do have this on video. Then on to the Spice Girls concert. I was pickpocketed sometime during the concert either when I went to buy popcorn or on the way out. I discovered my favorite wallet was gone when I went to pay for tshirts for MK and MH. I took off my boots and ran back to the theater. This is when I realized I had the boots on the wrong feet the entire night! I was certain that the wallet would be on the floor or that someone had turned it in. The security at Mandalay Bay was useless. They starting hassling me for having a camera in the theater as no photo taking was permitted. MK told them not to even go there. Little did they know that I did have pictures just as good as the papparazzi. Anyway, bottom line, no money, no identification and no credit cards in Vegas. The worst scenario ever. I had no alternative but to leave the next day after suffering through police reports, cancelling credit cards, changing my flights and theTSA...nightmare!I even drunk dialed someone I should not have called during the concert. I was out of control. I had the best time up until the moment I discovered that the wallet was lost.
January, February and March----business sucks, get my car back and a rock from a dump truck cracks my windshield...ofcourse the truck doesn't have a license plate. The dentist tells me I need some crowns....more than $6000. A psychotic applicant threatens us after she lies about her criminal background (serious drug dealer) and we do not put her to work. I had to outsmart her so she wouldn't sue us. My father's health continues to deteriorate. My mother is put on steroids for some weird form of rheumatism and it makes her wacky. One of my good friends stops talking to me over a misunderstood email. CIT and her hubby are having problems.I have several really bad dates and decide to stop dating during for a while.. My 13 year old dog is getting crippled from arthritis and hip dysplasia. The only person I usually complain to, my wonderful shrink, Dr. F. tells me he is retiring. My clients don't want to pay or pay very slowly so I have to make collection calls, which I hate! Last week my computer server crashed and MK takes a day off and I discover that his PC is full of 15-20 viruses. God knows where he cruises on the web when he should be working. I had to call in my IT person twice last week. My accountant calls me today and asks why she hasn't received my personal tax paperwork when I thought she had filed for an extension so I spent tonight trying to organize a mountain of paper so I could do my taxes. Did I mention my extreme insomnia? No sex? Have you heard of Calamity Jane? There is more but I won't continue to bore you.
Hey, if you have read this far, I bet you are sick of my whining, bitching and moaning!! So am I!!
When will this insanity end? Is there light at the end of the tunnel? The Cougar needs to get back into her groove! Pep talk please?

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Springtime in my 'hood











I love springtime in Atlanta! My yard is finally coming alive!





Saturday, April 5, 2008

Cougar's Chillin' Update


My father and I stayed in last night. We had happy hour which lasted most of the evening.....drank Norton, ate shrimp, guacamole and chips. We watched Howard Stern TV. My father still has his sense of humor and heartily laughs at politically incorrect and "dirty" jokes. For those of you who are Howard fans, he had a birthday party for Gary the Retard called Garypalooza. Gary is one of Howard's regular wack pack. The show included putting him in a mock space ship and sending him to the moon. I was rolling with fits of laughter...it was a riot. If you need to laugh, just watch Howard TV.

This is the link for the show recap: http://www.howardstern.com/rundown.hs
After that, we both passed out on the coach and woke up at 1am! It was a really fun night!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Cougar's Chillin' in the Den..............


I will be chilling at home for the next week. My father has Alzheimer's in the early phase and my mother, the primary caregiver, is taking a much deserved week away in NY. My father is the most wonderful person. This wretched disease just continues to wear him down. It just breaks my heart and pisses me off. Thankfully, because he has always had a sweet disposition, he remains even more so throughout the disease. It is just heartbreaking. My dad, as I knew him, is gone but the essence of the man is still shining through.


Anyway, we are in and since I dont cook, I am making reservations and getting take out. Costco has the best prepared meals for those of us who are cooking challenged.....just pop them in the oven and it looks like you slaved over the stove for days. We are sharing my supply of Norton, and since my mother is away, my father drinks a little more than usual.


Our dogs, Coco and Duchess, 13 and 15 respectively, are hanging out too. Family time. It's all good.


I will have cabin fever by next weekend so watch out Atlanta.....the Cougar will be back on the prowl.

Orgasmic Pizza



I am a true pizza snob. Having grown up in metropolitan NY/NJ, I was raised on exceptionally great pizza. Go to any corner and get a great slice. I have been on a personal mission to find great pizza in Atlanta for years. That day has arrived. Galla's Pizza http://www.gallaspizza.com/ left a flyer in my mailbox a month or so ago. As a serial dieter(starve myself to keep in good shape) one rainy night I had a pizza craving. I called Galla's and interrogated the person who answered the phone...where are the owners from.......what type of crust do you make....how about the sauce and so forth. They delivered(yes! oh happy day!) an incredible veggie pizza with black and green olives, peppers, mushroom and onions with a thin crispy crust and delicious sauce. I was hooked. Fahgetaboutit. Tony Soprano would have a few slices and bring a few home to Carmella. Thank you Galla's. I am in love with you. The pizza was a natural match for my beloved Norton Malbec. I am one full happy camper :) The next best thing to the real O and I dont mean Oprah.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

The Cutest Birthday Cake Ever Made!!


It was Ellie's birthday yesterday and I bought her the perfect cake for a shopping diva at Publix. It was so cute and also, very delicious. In my humble opinion, Publix makes the best birthday cakes....and the butter cream icing is the bomb!